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December, 2006 Lights OutWell I guess by now you've all heard the news of Saddam's recent expiration. I came in at 4:30 this morning to the news from a very tickled and right ring father. I knew it was coming, but still I found myself in complete shock. I found myself with mixed feelings about the whole execution.
My first issue is this: Why do they have to kill all the interesting people? Now what are we gonna talk about? All this does is put the focus back on Osama and how we haven't found him yet. Not nearly as interesting to me as having an already found evil dictator and holding him captive. What a great story that is. Why ruin a good thing is what I say.
My other issue is of more practical matters. Personally, I think his death only martyrs him and creates new violence. With the financial strain the war has created in not only this country but several others, why not use Saddam as a money making enterprise instead? All along I've thought we should have put him in a cage and charged admission to see him. You could charge 1000 dollars a head, which people would certainly pay, and help rebuild with the proceeds. Maybe only a dent in the overall debt, but a dent no less.
I must say, he was dressed quite nice for his hanging. Again, am I wrong, but what a waste of a good suit. So many things here just aren't right. I mean, he wears this expensive nice suit, but doesn't bother to trim his beard or mustach. I personally don't understand the reasoning, but whatever.
And did you hear his last words? "God is great and Palestine is Arab."
Huh?
I'd be saying, "Criss Angel, if you're listening, from one evil bastard to another, I'll give you all my daughters if you just wiggle your nose!"
Anyway, all jokes aside, Saddam is dead. Ok so anyway, I'm a little hungry. Catch ya later. December, 2006 Never Kill Yourself on an Empty Stomach.With the holiday season at hand and families joining together to celebrate all the love they have for one another, I think suicide is an important issue to discuss today. Holidays tend to bring out the worst in people. It's a proven fact that suicides and violent crimes increase during this time of year. A damn shame really, because it ruins Christmas for everybody else. Who wants to be reminded of the dead guy every time they see a pine tree?
I got to thinking, when I am hungry I tend to get kinda mean. Ok, I'll be honest - I'm a big bitch when I'm hungry. Angry thoughts go through my head, but once I've eaten, the beast in me subsides and I'm back to being a precious angel all over again. So I'm sitting thinking, you know - everything looks better after a double bacon cheeseburger. Life before the cheeseburger may have sucked, but in my personal experience, a cheeseburger has never made anything worse.
I wonder if before these people chose to blow their head off, if they might consider a bite to eat first. After all, what can it hurt? If after a big slice of pepporoni pizza you still want to kill yourself, then by all means carry on. I just think all bases should be covered before such a decision is made.
Another important point to cover is this: If you are the guy who just ordered the pizza, ate, and still killed yourself, have the decency to put the remaining pizza in the refrigerator for grieving family members, you selfish bastard.
I think all the times I've acted irrationally, hunger was to blame. Because Lord knows I am not capable of such behavior without a reason. I think if potential suicided victims ( why do they call them suicide victims? ) would just eat first, we'd see alot fewer dead people. And most the time it's a stupid reason anyway. Like Melissa ran off with some other guy or something stupid like that. There are 900 chicks better than Melissa buddy. But you can't meet them if you're dead, now can you?
The moral of this story is, please never kill yourself on an empty stomach. If you don't see anything in the pantry that you want, or if you don't feel like cooking, reach out to someone and say "Hey, I'm thinking about killing myself in a minute. A cheeseburger might change my mind. Can you spare a buck?" I promise you, no one can say no to that, and if they do, rest assured you will see them in hell someday.
Have a good day and God bless! December, 2006 It's Aliiive...Well let's see...where to begin. Well as you guys know I've been in school, which keeps me really busy and unfortunately, away from the computer. I really expected to have alot of material to write about from school, but turns out not so much. But I would appreciate a standing ovation for my A in math. Yes yes, thank you thank you. I will be signing autographs at the door.
I did go on a date awhile back. There was no second date. The record screeched and halted when he stated..."It's a hard lesson, but I know that no means no. Period. That's what I learned in that class they made me take." Hm. How exactly does one go about continuing to behave normally after that? All I could come up with was, "I sincerely hope you made an A".
I had a very terrifying dream the other night. I was sitting on the toilet, and the stalls were divided by curtains. Suddenly, this old lady on the pot next to me flings my curtain open and stares at me. I scream, jump up and ask her, "What the hell is wrong with you lady?!" She looks me dead in the eye and says "Menopause I guess".
Holy shit...was this dream a sign? Afterall, I have been uncharacteristically hot lately. I woke up right as she said those words and immediately looked in the mirror. I was happy to see I was still 33. Perhaps a premenopausal 33, but 33 no less. I just hate dreams like that. I always have weird ass things like that, as I'm sure you all do. For once, I'd just like to have a nice sex dream. Is that so much to ask? I never get those! Watch, I'll have one tonight. It'll be me and the old lady.
Which reminds me, an old lady hit on me at work the other night. She was a truck driver. She was a hefty little mama too. She told me in her gruffest voice, "Giiirrlllll, where you been all my life! HEH HEH HEHHHHEEE!" It was truly mortifying. What was worse though, is that all the regulars were there at that time, so I am yet to live it down.
Working at the bar is fun. Actually, entirely more fun than hanging out there. Plus, I can drink for next to nothing and get paid. What a deal. But you sure do run across some interesting people, and by interesting I mean fucking weird. But I'll save that for my next blog or two so I don't waste all my energy on this one and not blog for another month!
Ok then, see you tomorrow! |
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